I shake my head because now I need to get it out. I need to say it for the first time in my life.

              “We were in an old, rundown neighborhood. The house next door was empty and he brought me to it. I remember my heart pounding so hard. I don’t think it ever beat that hard, but all I wanted was my mom. I wanted to find her and go home where we could laugh and be normal.

              “As soon as the door closed behind me he shoved me into a wall. I hit my head and fell. I remember freezing. I knew I should get up and do something. Run, but I couldn’t make myself do it.

              “He bent down.”

              Please. Please, stop.

              “His beard scratched my face. His breath made me want to puke.”

Colt’s so still I don’t know if he’s even still breathing. He’s holding me so tight, it hurts, but I need it too.

“How old were you?”

“Seven.”

He curses again.

“His hands were at my pants, Colt. They were unbuttoned and unzipped. I tried to kick him and he hit me. He went for my pants again.”

God this is hard. So, so hard.  “That’s how close I was, to…But someone came in. It sidetracked him. I finally made myself run. I ran all the way home in the middle of the night and she was there. She’d forgotten about me and left me. How could she forget me?”

              Colt sits up, holding me in his lap. My arms go around his neck and I cry. I cry for that little girl who learned that night never to count on anyone. For the one who still didn’t want my mom to leave me when she brought me to Aunt Lily’s. The one who felt abandoned. Who never let Lily in. Or Gregory. Who made the panic seem like less to the doctors because I thought if I somehow made myself perfect, it would mean the people I loved wouldn’t leave me.

              Who asked Colt to be my fake boyfriend just to prove to Gregory I didn’t need him.

              I cry for the person I am now. Who doesn’t know if I should hate my mom for leaving me. If she really did abandon me or if I wanted her to have or not.

              “You don’t have to do it on your own. Let me take some of the weight, baby.”

              But he has so much already. “You have your own problems.”

              “We’ll share each other’s.”

              My hand tightens in his hair and I keep crying. Colt doesn’t pull away. Doesn’t rush me. Just holds me like he’s done so many times before.

              Finally after what feels like an eternity, my tears stop.

              It must be really early morning because the sun is beginning to rise, little flecks of light started to break through the blinds on his window.

              I look at Colt. His eyes look red. From lack of sleep or maybe from something else. I don’t know. His hand cups my cheek. “You okay?” he finally asks. We’re close. So close as I sit on this lap.

              “Yeah…thank you.”

              “I’m fucking good at this boyfriend shit. Who would have thought?” Boyfriend. I like the sound of that. I give him a small smile because it’s all I can muster. I appreciate the attempt though.

              I suddenly need him more than my next breath. To feel him in a way I’ve never felt anyone else. Yes, we’ve done this before. I’ve done it before. But this will be different.

              “Please…” I try to climb closer to him. Inside him. “I need you.”

              “Chey…”

              “No. Don’t do that. It’s okay. Nothing’s changed.”

              We both know that’s a lie. Everything’s changed, but not in the way he’s thinking.

              “I love you,” I say again, this time completely awake and in control of my words.

              He presses his lips gently to mine. “You too…”

              I gasp a little, shocked that he said it. No he didn’t use the word love, but it’s close enough.

              “I told you earlier too.” He seems to read my mind.

              “I didn’t hear you.”

              When he stands up, I whimper thinking he’s going to walk away. Colt crooks his finger at me. “Come here, Tiny Dancer.”

              My heart raps frantically against my chest. Heat floods my body. I look at him.

              And stand.

~CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE~

Colt

              I’m being a prick again, but I can’t seem to stop myself. She just told me about a man putting his hands on her and here I am about to strip her bare and do the same thing. I should just hold her at a time like this, but Christ, I want her and she wants me too.

              That has to make it okay.

              “I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” I tell her, hoping that makes it okay.

              “I know.”

              My hands slip to her waist. I push her shirt up and then pull it over her head. Her yellow bra contrasts against her dark skin. It’s so sexy.

              I suddenly feel like a jerk because she’s slept in these clothes all night. I should have undressed her earlier. It had to have been uncomfortable.

              Leaning forward, I tease her lips open with my tongue. I need to taste her. Feel her as she takes a dip and tastes me too. It’s so fucking crazy being here with her like this. We’ve had sex before, but this is different, which makes me feel like a pussy for thinking, but I don’t care.

              This girl is mine. I’ve had quite a few girls before, but none of them were mine. I didn’t want them a part of me, to keep them, and with her I want nothing more than to keep her safe and keep her with me all the time.

              Our mouths continue to lick and suck and tease at each other as I work the clasps on her bra. I swear she fucking purrs against my mouth as it falls to the floor.

              I pull away because there’s no way I can’t not look at her right now. At her slender body, all dark and toned. “You’re so sexy.”

              This gets a smirk out of her. Her hands are on me now, pushing my shirt off. I’m so hard for her. I’m about to make love to this girl. Damn that sounds stupid thinking of it that way, but it’s true.

              And I can’t wait anymore.

              I wrestle with her pants, pushing them down. Her panties match her bra in color and the fact that I want them off her and on the floor.

              Mine come next. We’re both grabbing at them and laughing. Fucking laughing because we’re in such a hurry to have each other. It’s never been like this—with her or anyone else.

              I grab a condom from the drawer. Chey’s lips come down hard on mine. We’re fucking frantic and needy and urgent. I pick her up before covering her body with mine on the bed. I kiss her again. Her hands pull at my hair.

              “Colt… hurry up.”

              We’re laughing again. I never laugh like I do with her. Hours ago I was pissed and fresh from jail and being a prick to my mom, but now I’m here with her…

              Happy.

              I’m fucking happy.

              “I want to play,” I tease her. Flick her nipple with my tongue. One then the other. Her legs wrap around me and I push against her, feeling, not going inside.

              Chey moans. Arches toward me and I know if I don’t fill her, I’m going to go insane.

              I rip the package open with my teeth. My forearms rest on the bed, one on each side of her head.

              Her dark eyes look up at me, spotlighted with the rising sun from outside.

              My eyes don’t leave hers as I push inside. Who the hell cares how it sounds because this feels different too. She clutches my back and I take her lips. We’re moving together and it feels so good I could explode right now.